Most yoga classes I had attended (and led) started with a 1-7 minute 'check-in.' The idea is to get yourself into a mental space to practice yoga.
I had a heart to heart with my mom today about being 30 and single. Not a tear jerk-er, 'why me?' rant, but acknowledging that singledom, though rewarding, can be fraught with challenges. I also acknowledged for the first time that being single at 30 is very different from single at 20.
At 20, things like buying a house seemed not urgent or important. So relishing in singledom, living for myself, made sense, on many levels. At 30, paying a mortgage alone and fully supporting myself emotionally sometimes feels like too much. Unfortunately, my mom can't relate. When she was my age, she had two kids and seven years of marriage under her belt. I've been studying Hindu mythology a lot recently and I'm really comforted by the demi-gods usually represented as a couple, balancing male and female intuition and strengths. Maybe my life feels uncomfortable sometimes because it's 95% influenced by my feminine ideas. So my challenge is to reach deeper inside myself and pull from my natural masculine strengths, give them more exercise. Let me just pause and say that there is no right or wrong answer to partnership, but these are my observations of my own life. The older I get, the more I see each half of the ideal partnership within myself. The more I learn to rely on myself. I count myself lucky to have this awareness and not constantly look for it outside of myself. Right now I focus on using masculine discipline to take care of my financial needs, which creates space for me to express the feminine artist who doesn't keep track of time or budgets. We can all learn from exercising each side in our own life-at any age. I can recall, as a child, it was much easier to shift between the roles based on how I was playing. As a teenager, society wants you to pick. In my 20s, my own ego pressured me to reach my ideal perfection of a persona. Now in my 30s, I'm back to shapeshifting based on what I need. What 40 will bring is still a mystery. I’m walking on a narrow, damp footpath. Ferns grow out of the west slope. They tickle my tentacles and I imagine fairies dozing under the breezy foliage. The east side drops down to Steven’s Creek which trickles over smooth stones. I’m less than five miles from the buzzing city, but my spirit feels leagues into bliss. This is my nature therapy.
Last night I talked to a girlfriend on the phone for almost two hours before my heart felt lighter. This morning, in less than twenty minutes my body has dissolved into the scenery. My eyes are constantly darting back and forth hoping to catch the glimpse of a flower. Nature’s candy. A few colorful patches catch my eye and they all turn out to be bits of plastic trash from other hikers. January is a tough month to be wildflower hunting, but I know if I ask the fairies, they will show me their secret bounty. The trail crosses the creek and I have to turn around. January mornings are not the ideal time to be wading in moving water. My hands are in my pockets and I clutch two clear quartz crystals that have been living in my jacket. One of them wants to stay here. I pull them out and hold them to my heart. I throw one in the creek and turn around to hike back to my car. From this new perspective, I spy a tiny pale pink flower on a slender stem, not more than six inches from the ground. I greet it out loud, “hello flower!” I squat down and cup my hands in a halo around the blossom. I close my eyes and open my heart to receive her energy. A small pulse jumps into my left palm seconds before a fellow hiker startles me around the corner. The trail is so narrow that I have to stand up to let him pass. I would have sat with the flower longer had I not been interrupted, but I felt fine to move along. There is a fresh new spring in my step, and a song in my head. I belt outloud, “give way.” My first intention was to send vibrations to the rattlesnakes looking for morning sun to warm up. They like these trails as much as I. Slowly it evolves into a heart song for my brothers and sisters to give way to each other. The picnic area comes into focus ahead and I know my morning hike is coming to a close. I can’t leave before leaning into a big grandfather tree covered in moss, roots bubbling up from the earth. I ask what he wants to share with me. I feel it say that the beauty I seek is within me. I know this is true. The ferns, and flower, and creek all exist within me. My joy at their sight is possible because the joy is already within me. All I had to do was ask to feel it. If you see me talking to trees in the woods. Don’t be afraid; I took my meds this morning. My intuition told me to follow my heart. And thus, my heart showed me bliss. [inhale] I am a divine creation.
[exhale] I am eternal happiness. |
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