I spent a good part of my day with myself. At quarter to 6pm, no one was around to hold me accountable to exercising, and I managed to motivate myself! I ran two laps around the neighborhood and walked one for good measure.
For me, it's a big accomplishment. What made today special? It just finally hit me. If I stayed on the couch, I'd be letting myself down, and that's no way to treat someone you love. They say, spend a day with yourself and see how you feel at the end. If you can't stand being with yourself, then your have work to do before you can be with other people. I find when I'm with myself, I am more aware of the synchronicity of the world around me. I find easier and kinder interactions with strangers. They seem more angelic. Life slows to that dream-like state. Practically meditative. I do what I please (riding my bike), and have patience with myself when the unexpected happens (the coffee shop turns off the wifi when they get busy on weekend).
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Make Believe. As in, 'let's play make-believe.' A noun. A thing adults stop doing when they start doing things like income taxes.
Do you ever think about it as a verb? Make... be-lieve, make me believe... in something new, something improbable, something impossible. In something I'm not even sure I want. How else do you make those decisions? Today, I spent a good portion of the afternoon caring for my four year old nephew. He loves to play good guys / bad guys, samurai style. So we are in the front yard, dancing around each other, lunging, grunting, smiling, jeering. A delivery truck goes the wrong way down my dead end street and now I'm being watched. My nephew is oblivious and our game continues unchanged. I catch a glance at the guys in the cab of the truck and I can tell that my make believe just gave them a big laugh for their day. I take pleasure in this knowledge. Reflecting back on it, it's also a great exercise on staying present. First, I have to construct the mental parameters of my experience: I am a samurai, I have a sword, I can shoot energy balls out of my palms, I can resist attacks. Then, I move within those boundaries and focus all my attention on the other player. I could argue this as a moving meditation. The point I'm trying to make is that 'make believe' is not a relic of childhood that should be hung up to dry. Rather, it is a powerful tool of spiritual focus and exploration. Setting new goals-make believe them into reality. Dropping unhealthy habits-make believe the motivation to inspire action. I never tire of hearing bedtime stories. Often I encounter resistance to my requests, but nonetheless, bedtime stores are the best time for make believe. It sets up our dreamscape for delight and magic. Finally, I'd like to share a synchronicity that made me smile today. Most people who know me, know that I often and easily let my imagination take over. I'm a bit of a make-believe-queen. So it was perfect timing when witnessing my actions bringing smiles to faces of strangers, I also received a text message from an old friend in another city thanking me for learning and growing with them. Specifically remarking that, "the decisions you make shine bright enough to influence the people around you." Positive confirmation that my make believe inspires more than my own experience, and our delicate balance should never be abused or laid to waste. Happy day dreaming! This story is called My Joy because to me, Joy is the perfect union of happiness and freedom. One of my favorite Sanskrit prayers asks for 'All beings to be happy and free.' It became a mantra for me for years. During that journey, it became important to know what brings me joy-so I am able to consistently create it in my life. My quintessential vision of joy is riding a bicycle. Fast or slow, tall or short, the thrill is resounding and utterly simple. I feel in control of my body, yet at the same time, surrendered to my spirit. My heart bursting forward, feet grounding down, my smile lifting my gaze above the horizon. I recently shared this bliss with my young nephew. He was driving a battery operated jeep as I pedaled my cruiser down our residential street. The peckish revolutions of the jeep still made wind fluff his hair and initiate the sensation of flying. Thats what cycling is for me too, flying from my dreams.
I hitchhiked today. In America. Alone. I imagine this would be a scary thought for most women. Although, most women would not have put themselves in my situation. I took my mountain bike into the Francis Marion National Forest and was riding on the equestrian trail that I find agreeable for gentle off-road riding. I had already ridden thirty minutes in and just turned around to ride back towards home when I felt an unusual jolt. Fortunately, I was not thrown from my bike when the derailleur separated from the frame and caused the chain to unhook. I was able to steady myself and assess the situation...I was walking home. At a crossroads, I had the option to detour towards the main road on an unknown trail, with the hope to catch a ride rather than drag the bike all the way back the way I came. How does one make such decisions? The trail I was one was unmarked and I felt unsure that I could identify the cut if I had to backtrack. So I paused, took a deep breath and asked the trail if I should go. It said yes, I am safe, this is your fastest way home. This choice required: FAITH, that my intuition is correct. TRUST in the forest's love for my well being, and Pixie Dust signals of confidence ;) The pixie dust came in the form of gotu kola patches and red capped mushroom clusters. This was the faerey realm letting me know I was not alone and it was safe to proceed. Once you form your own relationships among the devic kingdom and specific plant helpers, you will know the signs meant for you. I recognized these as my signs based on personal experience in the woods. After fifteen minutes of walking and various methods of dragging and eventually further breaking my bike to roll both wheels, I heard the road and rejoiced in trusting my intuition. Now was my ultimate test, hitchiking back to town. I said a quick prayer to my angels and stuck out my thumb. I asked to be picked up by a angel who will keep me safe. Within seconds, a group of 5 cars were approaching at speed. A couple of teenagers towing a boat caught my eye and I tried to make eyes back at them. They passed. I saw a big truck at the end of the line and made flashy hand gestures that said, 'you can help me.' It also passed, but turned around and pulled off the road to talk to me :) This kind soul asked if I needed a lift and I told him my bike broke and I didn't have to go far. Before he even asked my name, he tossed my bike into the truck bed and we took off down the road. He was trying to make it to the bank in the next 20 minutes and said that he wouldn't have picked me up if I were a man, but I looked harmless. He didn't proclaim to have much faith but he trusted me and my pixie dust appearance. Alan was a kind man and I thank my angels for sending him my way. Let's recap the first 3 days: forgiveness, love, faith. It doesn't always make sense why things happen the way they do. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am everything I need to be. |
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